Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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