i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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