i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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