Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
