Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I think I just sharted jello shots
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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