2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Bring me that man meat
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
