I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
