So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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