We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
