I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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