Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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