We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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