the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
