I'm gonna have a badass scar
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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