Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
