The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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