dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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