You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
