I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
