And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
