You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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