i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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