i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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