I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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