I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
