Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
