My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The beer is more important than you right now.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
