Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
