i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
