those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
