The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
