He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
