Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
