I can text with my tongue
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
