Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
