I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
