Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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