at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
