I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
