Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
