I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
