My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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