I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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