I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
