I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
