I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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