Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
