Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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