Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
