Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
